Divorce after age of 55! (Is it surprising?)

Recently I met someone who had accompanied me during Hajj. I was traveling with my mother and he with his wife. We were sharing the room at Haram Madina so I witnessed the passionate affection which he had for his wife. There was nothing surprising about it as two people who are growing together for about thirty years must have shared a lot. Must have shared lot of moments of joy and sorrows. They must have planned together about their children and raised them etc etc so I was surprised to know about their Divorce when I again met him after about two years. Their marriage lasted for about thirty years.

I think that it’s the seventh or eight incident in which I have come to know about mature age divorce. Getting separated at a late age is difficult to understand as after living for so many years together life partners are supposed to have

Better communication

Better understanding

Empathy

A bit of trust

Everything else which time brings to get the strangers closer!

But how does this happen? Where do all of the above mentioned things go when two people decide to separate their ways.
Following are the few possible explanations

1: One of the partners starts following his self discovery and that is when he realizes that the other person doesn’t understand him. The one following the self discovery becomes reactive towards other person’s ignorance of hi emotions without realizing that he himself took so many years to discover what was always in him.

2: One of the partners starts missing the appeal which the other partner had at a younger age but which can be found in someone else now.

3: There is age difference between the two which gets prominent at the later age and that is when younger partner looses interest in continuing with the relationship.

4: God didn’t bless the couple with any children (especially son) so the husband decides for another marriage at an age when he foresees financial and physical dependence coming.




Practically any of the above mentioned factors can be a reason but the painful part is that usually in our society women are financially dependent upon men so in case of a divorce there are serious question marks on a women’s survival especially when judicial system practically can not force the husband to pay maintenance allowance. In such cases usually Fathers are either not alive or are too old to support and the brothers are more concerned about raising their children.

What is the solution?
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My thoughts after listening to the Blasts!

I was at youtube to download few more songs by Greenday just when I heard it, I stopped for an instance realizing what had happened and denying it to myself like we usually do initially when we come across a big problem or an accident but few minutes later I heard it again and this time sound of explosion felt a bit too real. My mother went out of the house just to take a look around .Servants were excitedly stating what everyone could guess. Shopkeepers near my house closed their shops and rushed as their houses were closer to the area where the sound had come from. Within five minutes I got a call from Islamabad. My sister told me that T.V is running a slide about sound of explosion near Moon market (five minutes away from my house).She was concerned about my safety. In the next two hours I received several calls from family members, Relatives and students. They all had called to show their concern about my safety as I live very close to the area where two Bomb blasts had occurred.




At night before going to sleep I realized that throughout this time when I was getting these calls, I kept myself occupied with the Net. I felt nothing about this incident not even when I realized that I was planning to buy a fruit cake of Shezan bakery from there in the evening when I was leaving for Academy. This indifference apparently had nothing to do with bravery or courage but this indifference was there because Blasts are something that this whole nation is getting used to. If it is happening in Peshawer than why wouldn’t it eventually come around .In this particular case I could sit back and relax because I was watching the Rescue teams providing medical and fire extinguishing services but I manage to sit back and relax even when I suspect that these blasts are not the end but a beginning !

Most of us never feel like coming out of the comfort of our houses in times when we need to show political awareness and awakening at the streets. We feel that it’s not worth it, Raising the Voice is of no use, this country can be saved by a bloody revolution only! Some of us might think that the way things are going, eventually Nation would wakeup? How would this nation wake up when we are just waiting for things to happen on their own? I hope that I am not exaggerating but half the nation is waiting for a leader who would eventually make everything alright and till than we will continue to be dishonest as much as the snatched or gained authority allows. ? For how long we will keep on telling it to ourselves that it would all be over once the Military operation is over? For how long we will continue to scold others without realizing that we are no different! For how long we would continue to offend God. How would this Economic, Socio political mismanagement will not display its outcome? Why would the results be any different when efforts are the same!

Working Housewives???

Working wives???


Husband: I work so i get tired and when I comeback home than I do not want to be disturbed .Please do not expect that I will be able to help our children study. I pay for their fee and other luxuries and that’s it .Rest is your obligation.

Wife: I also work, why shouldn't I come up with same demands?

Husband: What do you mean you work? You stay at home as a
housewife.

Wife: Who does the cleaning here?
Husband: You do off course.

Wife: Who does the laundry?
Husband: You.

Wife: Cooking?
Husband: It's your job why do you have to mention it?

Wife: Because unlike you, my working hours are never over. You demand break when you are tired but when I am done with cooking than I have to help children do their homework and have to hurry so that I can do the dishes quickly. When I am done with all the cleaning and helping than I have to spare some time for you (while keeping myself looking fresh and pleasant as a woman)so that you do not feel ignored and after such a long day I realize that what ever I do is not considered work. I am given lesser importance than working women.

Husband: This is how women are supposed to be. You are no exception. Any woman has to perform all the duties you mentioned.

Wife: Can't it be said about you also? You do what men are supposed to do.

Husband: Tahir's wife is working and she manages the home also.
Wife: Samina's husband helps the children study and her wife doing the dishes.

Husband: Alright I am sick of all these arguments. If you are not comfortable with all this than you can go back to your parents house and stay there for the rest of your life.

Wife:???
Silence
Arguing woman leaves the room quietly as she has to serve soup to her aged Father in Law.

Why do we laugh at sick humor?

About a week ago I brought a movie called “Bruno”. It was a sequel so I knew the kind of movie I was bringing home (even though later on I discovered that I had underestimated everything about it).After watching the movie I broke the CD and tore the cover as i did not want to be caught with it and apparently everything went alright (in terms of getting rid of the remains!) but than I had to face something rather unexpected.




TOTAL GROSSES (bruno)
Domestic: $60,054,530 43.7%
+ Foreign: $77,329,526 56.3%

= Worldwide: $137,384,056 100%

TOTAL GROSSES (borat)
Domestic: $128,505,958 49.1%
+ Foreign: $133,066,786 50.9%

= Worldwide: $261,572,744 100%

(Source:Box Office Mojo)




I started analyzing my own behavior during this whole incident. I did not select the movie by chance as I had seen the first part of it called “Borat”. Movies like Borat and Bruno are two of the many which I have seen and without exception have always enjoyed .Usually such humor is based upon

Violence

Odd relationships (either gender based or illegal/immoral relationships)

Exposure of what nature demands to be hidden

Anything which societies prohibit or restrict


I have always enjoyed watching such humor even when I do not appreciate same themes in serious Dramas. Considering commercial success of T.V shows like South Park, Family Guy, Gerry Springer show or Movies like the ones mentioned above, mass appeal for such themes is obvious but the question is why explicit themes are publicly accepted when presented through humor?

There can be number of explanations for this behavior

1: We (as a society) are tempted by such themes but do not admit and when these are presented in humor than we can justify our association by saying “Oh it’s nothing serious!”

2:We (as a society) actually do not consider such themes seriously and that is why we find them really funny as these are the things which we could never imagine

3:We desire to seek pleasure while being disobedient and rebellious from the rules taught to us by the elders and the society so we enjoy watching what we can not do ourselves as most of us for most of the time lack energy to be disobedient and being rebellious.

4:For us everything (directly or indirectly) has to be justified or approved by religion so when we watch foreign shows and movies than we justify by saying “Oh its not about us we are just watching THE OTHERS!”

What is your opinion about mass appeal for Humor based upon explicit themes?
Please share by adding comments to the post and do mention your name with it.

In order to expand community for this discussion platform please extend this address http://inamarif.blogspot.com to your mailing and text addresses.