Recently I met someone who had accompanied me during Hajj. I was traveling with my mother and he with his wife. We were sharing the room at Haram Madina so I witnessed the passionate affection which he had for his wife. There was nothing surprising about it as two people who are growing together for about thirty years must have shared a lot. Must have shared lot of moments of joy and sorrows. They must have planned together about their children and raised them etc etc so I was surprised to know about their Divorce when I again met him after about two years. Their marriage lasted for about thirty years.
I think that it’s the seventh or eight incident in which I have come to know about mature age divorce. Getting separated at a late age is difficult to understand as after living for so many years together life partners are supposed to have
Better communication
Better understanding
Empathy
A bit of trust
Everything else which time brings to get the strangers closer!
But how does this happen? Where do all of the above mentioned things go when two people decide to separate their ways.
Following are the few possible explanations
1: One of the partners starts following his self discovery and that is when he realizes that the other person doesn’t understand him. The one following the self discovery becomes reactive towards other person’s ignorance of hi emotions without realizing that he himself took so many years to discover what was always in him.
2: One of the partners starts missing the appeal which the other partner had at a younger age but which can be found in someone else now.
3: There is age difference between the two which gets prominent at the later age and that is when younger partner looses interest in continuing with the relationship.
4: God didn’t bless the couple with any children (especially son) so the husband decides for another marriage at an age when he foresees financial and physical dependence coming.
Practically any of the above mentioned factors can be a reason but the painful part is that usually in our society women are financially dependent upon men so in case of a divorce there are serious question marks on a women’s survival especially when judicial system practically can not force the husband to pay maintenance allowance. In such cases usually Fathers are either not alive or are too old to support and the brothers are more concerned about raising their children.
What is the solution?
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Hi Inam..
ReplyDeleteI really dont think thats a "Concern" for any of us, that people get divorced at this age. what hurts me the most is people getting divorced after early years of marriage, when they have young children, this can cause an impact but other wise when u have children of lets say age 20+ they can understand.
coming back to the dicussion, i think its all about COmmunication. and patience, which seems to be eleviating from this world these days..
in my opinion we should be concerned how is this possilble that a family would be a family with a women in house.it would break.the members might go astray,so divorce at the age of 55 is a severe punishment to the childeren as well as the couple
ReplyDeleteso they must discouarge these doings ,even of god hadnt rewarded them with the blessing of children one should not divorce his wife
My dear Inam,
ReplyDeleteYour concerns are genuine but unfortunately today people have other motives which at times surpass all other things going on in their lives. Perhaps, they see a better future.
For instance, famous Film Director, Syed Noor also made a 2nd marriage. Quite apparent but the hidden reason was that he needed this for more money, which he got after marrying Saima.
I am of the view that no body makes a wrong decision at the time of making a decision. He/she makes a decision which seems most appropriate in a given situation.
Generalizing the event of divorce at different ages could have multifarious aspects which may not be exposed to an observer. But at the same time, the frustration and depriviation from basic subsistance of lives compel people to make hard and illogical decisions.
the other aspect which I feel that needs to be exposed that human beings/normal human being cannot consider doing such an act which dismays an association of 30 years long bearing so many trutful memories.
M. Faisal Qasmi